Goodbye 2013. Hello 2014!31 Dec 2013, Posted by Blog in
When I think back on the entire 2013 year, I can’t help but feel immense heartache and pain. In just one year I went through such tribulations. With friends, with an ex husband, my mother in law dying, and my parents losing their home. That’s just scratching the surface. So. Lets just get it all out! The entire year. Then I really can move on from 2013 and start a fresh brand new 2014.
Where I was exactly a year ago today happened to be Seattle. I had just spent the last Christmas I would ever spend with my ex husband and now deceased mother in law. I was very much looking forward to a vacation and I had the most fantastic date with a magician. We watched the fireworks at the needle, I was with my best friend, whom I live with now, and was having the most amazing week in Seattle. 2013 was beginning to look beautiful.
As I arrived back in Cali, I focused on performing, filming Hart of Dixie and dancing. I was determined to go to Ireland, find the love of my Life and live happily ever after having red headed Irish babies.
Yea… that didn’t turn out as planned.
But Ireland was a magical trip and really opened up a whole new world of lessons, on… myself. I learned in Ireland a great deal of farming, cooking, and even hoop moves, but what I really learned was how to love myself. I was always so focused on men and finding that one guy who would love me better then the last one that I never took any time to really, love myself…
So. Here I am, culture shock back in Cali. I love myself! Yay! Now what…
Here comes the series of unfortunate events. My car breaks down, I fix it. I finally get to see my mother in law and pick up my dog that I loaned her for a year to help her heal. She loved my dog more then anything. The week I see her is her last. I bathe her, help her with meds, put makeup on her face to make her feel better and helped Torin, my ex husband, with anything he needed. Granted we weren’t married anymore and we both made horrible mistakes with the way we treated each other, but beside all that, it was time to put that aside and be there as family. He didn’t see it that way, and immediately after her death his true colors showed and un invited me to his mother’s memorial. That was truly a stab in the heart. After all that we went though and shared…
During this same time, my parents were losing their home. That was the only home I had. Where the feck would I sleep when I was working back and forth from Santa Barbara and LA? Shit was getting hard. And too complicated and really uncomfortable. Oh yes. Now cue in time for car to break down completely.
So now what? I don’t have a car… I can’t work in LA. I can’t work in SB. I was dating this sweet kid and no matter how much runaround I gave him, he still stood by my side, completely knowing I was crazy and although knowing I was going through a hard time, he made the decision to always help. Whether it be an ear to cry to, massaging my scalp and hair to help it grow, letting me move into his space, helping my parents move out of the house, drive me back and forth to SB, meet my friends, and deal with my decision to move to Seattle… Graeme has always been there. I’m very thankful for that relationship. He was there when I needed a friend the most.
After reading this mini year breakdown, I can’t help but think about Ireland, my mother in law, California, working my ass off in Los Angeles, dancing, performing, losing friends, gaining new ones, and everything else the Universe puked all over me. It’s rather intense to think about it all. So goodbye 2013, goodbye Santa Barbara and Los Angeles. Goodbye Mamma Goodnight, I love you so much and will always remember everything you have taught me. Goodbye abusive relationships and friendships that no longer serve each other in a healthy, positive manner. Goodbye car. Goodbye running away. And HELLO 2014. An entire new year, 365 days of a new happy, healthy life in a new home, with new friends, and new opportunities. I’m grateful for it all. Besides, you have to go through the bad to get through the good, so here’s to the good. 365 days of good.